the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
