i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
