Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
