She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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