It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
