Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
