I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
