I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I smell like Dick and happiness
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
