I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
