walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
