So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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