I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
