i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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