Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
