found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
