white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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