Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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