Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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