YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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