I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
