...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
