she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
