he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize