Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
