when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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