If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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