She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
