New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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