would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
