After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Found the puke drawer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
