The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
