I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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