i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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