It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
