Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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