I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize