Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
