That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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