bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
