I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
