If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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