her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
