So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
