booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
