Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
