Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
