My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
