I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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