dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
