Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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