I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i now understand why vodka
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
