Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
