i think my mom watched the whole time
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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