I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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