You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
