She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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