I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So many bounce houses so little time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
