I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
