I just pynch a tree in the face
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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