dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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