I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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