with your own penis?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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