I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
