You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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