Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
