Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
