the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
