I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
