3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
