In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
