Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
