My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
