You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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