so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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