Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
