Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
