"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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