All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
