So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
