All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize