This is not my ceiling
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
