so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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