Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
