My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
