You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
