I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
