He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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