p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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