just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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