I intend to get homeless drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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