my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
