I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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